![]() ( March 2021)Īctive listening is the practice of preparing to listen, observing what verbal and non-verbal messages are being sent, and then providing appropriate feedback for the sake of showing attentiveness to the message being presented. ![]() You can work your fingers to the bone to make a deposit, only to have it turn into a withdrawal when a person regards your efforts as manipulative, self-serving, intimidating, or condescending because you don’t understand what really matters to him.”Įmpathic listening is an easy way to level-up in life.This section needs expansion with: Summarise what active listening is. “In addition, empathic listening is the key to making deposits in Emotional Bank Accounts, because nothing you do is a deposit unless the other person perceives it as such. Withdraw less, and deposit more with empathic listening. You’re focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul.” Make Deposits in Emotional Bank Accounts Instead of projecting your own autobiography and assuming thoughts, feelings, movies and interpretation, you’re dealing with the reality inside another person’s head and heart. “Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with. It’s so powerful because you’re actually listening to understand. You listen with reflective skills, but you listen with intent to reply, to control, to manipulate.” Why is Empathic Listening So Powerful? If you practice those techniques, you may not project your autobiography in the actual interaction, but your motive in listening is autobiographical. That kind of listening is skill-based, truncated from character and relationships, and often insults those ‘listened’ to in such a way. ![]() “When I say empathic listening, I am not referring to the techniques of ‘active’ listening or ‘reflective’ listening, which basically involve mimicking what another person says. Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the word that are being said.īut very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening.” Empathic Listening is Not “Active” ListeningĮmpathic listening is not about mimicking, mirroring, or reflecting the other person. We often do this when we’re listening to the constant chatter of a preschool child. Right.’ We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the conversation. We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all. “When another person speaks, we’re usually ‘listening’ at one of four levels. You sense, you intuit, you feel.” The 5 Levels of ListeningĮmpathic listening is the highest form of listening, level 5, but we usually listen at levels 1-4. You use your right brain as well as your left. “In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but you also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart. The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone it’s that you fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually.” How Do You Do Empathic Listeningĭon’t just use your brain. And it is sometimes the more appropriate emotion and response. Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment. Via The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: It’s about understanding them emotionally, as well as intellectually. The Essence of Empathic ListeningĮmpathic listening is not about agreeing with somebody. In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey writes about what empathic listening is, what it is not, why it’s important, and how we can use empathic listening in our dally lives to seek to understand others, as well as make deposits in Emotional Bank Accounts. It’s listening until the other person feels understood. He said that empathic listening is not listening until you understand. ![]() The best way I’ve heard empathic listening defined was by Covey himself. What’s the best way to really seek to understand, to really listen to somebody? ![]() We’ve all heard of Stephen Covey’s habit #5, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand they listen with the intent to reply.” - Stephen Covey ![]()
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